Thong Thieves

So it's been quite some time since my last blog. I can't quite think of what to blog about, or rather which to blog about. I suppose the easiest thing to do is to start with now and work my way backwards, it's a little mind blowing but I have faith you can keep up. Laundry. Yes, this one will be about laundry and it's going to start with a sentence that a the dream of every hard working mother:

I miss doing my own laundry. And just to be absolutely clear, I've been doing my own laundry since middle school so it hasn't really been too much of a burden on my mother anyhow (although, the folding of the laundry is a whole other story), but mother or no mother, I miss doing my own laundry. I have diagnosed this new atypical desire as a mid-grade to serious side-affect of the loss of independence I have experienced here. Desires for McDonald's and Starbucks, desires to drive, desires to scream English phrases at people whom you know won't understand it just to feel competent in one language; these are all fairly mild side-affects of loss of independence. Serious side-affects include the indifference felt at almost being mowed down by a motorcycle and the overwhelming desire to spontaneously explode whenever dealing with any type of institution or business here. But those are all different stories, all of which I don't care to divulge at this point, what I'm experiencing right now is the mid-grade side-affect of desiring my own washer dryer to do my own laundry. Allow me to explain.

Dryers have gone extinct here and can only be found in captivity. It's extremely tragic, I'm not sure when it happened or when it did, it may have even been a case of an introduced species gone extinct, but the fact remains that they are only seen and bred in captivity. The most heart breaking part of it all is that, not unlike other captivated objects and beings, these dryers have lost the ability to function in the wild and have become fully dependent on their care-takers and the environment of the habitation. As such, over time they have lost the incredible diversity that can be observed in wild dryers and have regressed to their basic, savage state. They have become far inferior to their Northern American relatives who have evolved and developed dials for tumble preferences, heat settings and timed drying. God bless the Lavanderias for taking care of these pitiable creatures for they would surely perish in the wild.

Now, though I may sometimes claim to be somewhat of a philanthropist or at least carry the signs of being one, my philanthropy has it's limits, and these poor dryers are outside it's limits. Whatever clothes I had that I thought were shrunk before I came here had no idea what it meant to be shrunk. I have a few articles of clothing that I may just gift to my cousin in the 6th grade, but even then they may be too small, maybe Hannah will want them! At least I hope it's the dryers, maybe I ate too many empanadas and they all went to my shoulders. 

The most vexing thing about not doing your own laundry besides the atomic dryers is the amount of trust you must put into these people handling your laundry. The first week I was here I realized I didn't bring enough underwear (don't ask how that happened, I don't know) so I went out and bought a few extra pairs that I was really excited about. Obviously they need to be washed first, so I took them to the closest lavanderia and anxiously waited to pick them up the next day. I couldn't wait, I took the bags up to my room and poured out all the contents and sifted through my shirts, pants and old boring underwear in search of the new ones, to no avail. The bastard robbed me of my underwear, fun and privacy. Since then, I swear my underwear count has been slowly diminishing. An inventory is in need right now. Not to mention, the last time I went they neglected to empty my underwear bag and just tossed the thing as is into the wash and returned the bag unopened, damp contents and all. At least I know none were thieved from there! 

All this is to say, I miss doing my own laundry with my own detergent and softener that smells like me with a dryer that can dry clothes without obliterating them back to the juniors section all topped with the confidence that if some article of clothing was not in it's proper place it could probably be discovered in a roommates closet or current outfit.